The Last Straw

this is it
the last straw
to ever stir my drink
to allow me to escape
to set sail
through poisonous blood
treading hazardous waters
and toxic relationships
 
I slip 
into my vessel
the ship inside this bottle
three sheets to the wind
all stormy seas
and clouded judgement
I’m sinking, drowning
memories, my anchor
keeping me jumping overboard
 
searching 
for safety, your light, clarity
drifting ashore
the distance between us
spans oceans and seas
making waves, capsized 
reaching up half-heartedly
just a handhold away
kept at arm’s length
 
looking 
at the bright side
 blank stares in the darkness
a twilight, but not of stars
embracing the emptiness
while the world spins on
collecting moments in time
like dust on a ceiling fan
 
silence
like wood grain on a closed coffin
sealed off, tactile
burying me with regret
while six feet from the surface
lies the cold grip of the bottle
and your icy stare
 
you see
it’s killing me
how badly I want to quit
how badly I need to quit
for everybody else but me
it’s killing me 
 
you said
to make my struggles more public
I took your advice
and they’ve offered to help
Monday, Wednesday, and sometimes Friday
from 10am-12pm
never on weekends
or holidays 
 
 so we’ve arrived
at the first of a long list of last resorts
and I’m ready
well, you told me that I am
so I’m ready
I really, really mean it
at least I’m pretty sure I do
I’m done with it
I hope 
it’s done with me
 
(you said) 
I’ve got no choice
(I said) 
I’m out of excuses
at least for now
but this is still kind of your fault
for seeing something in me
for believing in me
for believing I can change
I can change
 
I mean it
this time it’s different
you made damn sure of that
I can feel it
your sincerity less constrained
your indignations more genuine
your words cutting deeper
broken shards
from rocks thrown
in this glass house
now salt on open wounds
 
you’ve convinced me 
I should care 
and this time, I do
I’m slipping
losing my grip
but I promise
I will let go
so don’t let go
it’s my last, final plea
taken straight from my lips
this is it
the last straw